my life is on a pause

by riddhima
(mumbai,maharashtra,india)

my name is riddhima and am 26 years old.i live in india mumbai

i have been living alone all by myself since five years after my mums demise..
i became an alcoholic and a loner..lately its beginning to take a toll on me .i want to give up alcohol and have tried quitting,but every time am alone at home and cry and feel lonely i start drinking.i have lost control of my life and its going bad day by day..i have no income what so ever and have been very upset with my attitude and financial state..despite knowing every thing i squander money on alcohol
i want to do alot but i don"t know there's no will to do so.i feel helpless and keep praying to god to show me the way ,,he does help me ,but when am idle at home .i start feeling very very very lonely and lost..i feel i am on one side and the rest of the world on the other side.i want to lead a stable life and the way evry normal man does,but in vain i fail always and keep cursing my stars.i come from a broken family ..all i had was my mum,n now nobody ..though i hav two dogs at home..and if i haven"t lost my sanity its because of them.they are my angels,and when i step outside my house and see a mother or daughter chatting or having a good time,,i can"t stop missing my mum.i feel am hardy 26 and dun hav anybody,and this girls being in their 50's still have a mother.how lucky are there..wish i had my mum to,nobody too call me and ask me when would i be coming home,or anythng like tht.i feel lost and keep telling myself maybe god is punishing me ,cuz maybe i must hav done something reallybad to somebody and jus maybe that he hasn"t forgiven me..
please do pray for me .i really want to live a simple happy life..please help me..